You can be educated, have a career, lots of friends — yet at the most inopportune moment that old foe insecurity turns up.
Perhaps at a party; or when giving a presentation at work; or when debating a novel with your book club — you turn around to find your inner poise has fled and the world is a melting pot of tricky situations you feel ill-equipped to handle. Here are some tips to help you exude the confidence you don’t really feel:
You’re not alone
The good news is you aren’t the only one — particularly in workplace situations. Susan Jeffers, author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (Vermillion), says: “From the lowest to the highest in the workplace hierarchy, insecurity reigns. Part of it has to do with the underlying message ‘Be the best’”. It will help to look at the people around you as colleagues, not competition.
Calm before the storm
Whether you’re about to give a speech, have a job interview or are arriving alone at a cocktail party, take a bit of time to prepare yourself. Find a bathroom, smooth your hair, check your teeth, take a few deep breaths. A lady never arrives in a rush.
Hearts and voices
Never mind the eyes — the voice is the window to the soul. It gives us away when we’re nervous by quivering and breaking, and shows in an instant what we’re really feeling. So it’s important to learn to moderate and control your voice so you aren’t ruled by it. Julie Meyer of the Voice Clinic in Johannesburg says, “When giving a speech or presentation, take a few deep breaths before you begin to help you relax and take control of your breathing, so you can project the voice correctly. Nerves tend to make us speed through things to the point of being inaudible, so consciously pronounce each word. A lower-pitched voice sounds warmer and more interesting than a higher pitch.”
Making new friends
In his iconic self-help book How to Win Friends and Influence People (Simon and Schuster), Dale Carnegie said, “Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.” If you’re feeling a bit out of your depth in a social situation, a few well-placed questions should get the conversation going.
Invest in a pair of killer heels
Never underestimate the power a little extra height has on the psyche. Manolo Blahnik, the father of the four-inch heel, says in How to Walk in High Heels by Camilla Morton (Hodder & Stoughton), “A good heel will make you feel more adventurous than you did before… As for the heel, honey, it’s got to be high.” Obviously not so high you end up teetering around the room in agony though!
Rescue 911
Sometimes nerves will get the best of you, and you’ll need a bit of herbal help. Pop two or three herbal drops under your tongue — they have a wonderfully calming effect. Eleanor Roosevelt famously said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Don’t give up on your personal quest for inner poise — you’re the only one who can win it or lose it.
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