It’s one of the top causes of relationship breakdown. Here’s why we argue over money, and what you can do about it.
Personal priorities
He can’t understand how you can possibly spend that much money on shoes; you can’t understand why he’s so desperate to have the latest iPhone — at all costs. Our personal choices and priorities can lead to financial fury.
What can you do? Try to respect your differences — priorities are highly personal and there is no absolute right or wrong. Pay shared or joint costs from a joint account or an agreed amount that’s been set aside, then each do what you want with what’s left over (which for you, would include setting aside money for savings, of course).
Differing spending styles
You might be a hoarder, while your partner spends freely, maybe even racking up considerable personal debt in the process. This can be very stressful for the more financially conservative partner, and can often lead to a build-up of tension and ultimately, confrontation.
What can you do? If you aren’t yet married, you may want to consider marrying out of community of property. Attitudes to money can be ingrained and difficult to shift. Ultimately, you can’t change someone — the best you can do is to set a good financial example.
Lack of communication
Money is not always the easiest of conversation topics. You might avoid talking about money until one or both of you are feeling resentful or even self-righteous. Feelings of injustice often build up when one (or both) of you spends money on something without the other realising it.
What can you do? Talk openly about finances and agree on a clear plan from the start. Determine who will be responsible for what expenses. Be honest and open and don’t let feelings of frustration build up. Sit down together once a year to take stock of your current financial situation and set goals.
Unequal earning power
It can be tricky when one of you earns a lot more than the other, essentially affording one partner a more comfortable lifestyle, and often placing financial pressure on the other to “keep up”. Differences in income can also create an imbalance of power in a relationship, where for example, the one with more money tends to make all the decisions.
What can you do? It is important that your lifestyle as a couple is one that you can jointly afford. Work this out by drawing up a household budget if you haven’t already done so. A fair approach might be to contribute towards the household budget in proportion to your incomes.
External pressures
Times are tough and the pressure is on. Worrying about the bond, bills and school fees can feel like a heavy load, and we often turn on the people closest to us.
What can you do? Focus on working as a team, rather than taking it out on one another. Share the responsibility of making financial decisions, rather than one of you carrying the burden alone. Ensure that, as a couple, you have a long-term financial plan that you always keep in sight.
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