We tend to think of happiness as the end result of major life changes, such as finding a new job, meeting a soul mate or losing five kilos. But researchers have found that when it comes to happiness, drastic changes are less significant than smaller, everyday habits that add quality to your life.
We asked happy women to share the simple rituals that matter most to them.
Splurge on flowers
I spent some time working in New York City, and during those cold winter evenings, while walking back to my apartment, the flowers on each street corner brought colourful relief. Every week, I made sure to buy a bunch to brighten my home. Since my return to South Africa, I’ve continued to buy myself flowers every week — nothing inspires me more than a bunch of poppies dancing in the sunshine.
– Elmarie Becker, 28, chartered accountant
Listen to a feel-good tune
Whenever I need a pick-me-up, I listen to Baz Luhrman’s “Sunscreen” song. It has some really great advice that helps me keep things in perspective. If you haven’t heard this tune for a while, download it to your iPod now. My favourite line: “Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.’
– Bernadette Geldenhuys, 28, sales executive
Keep a file of favourites
I have a flip file filled with inspirational quotes, essays and poems that I’ve collected over the years. Whenever life gets too much, I open the file and read through those treasures. It reminds me of what really matters to me — and motivates me to be the best I can be.
– Liesl Peterson, 28, production controller
Don’t put anything off until tomorrow
Ten years ago, I went out to get take-aways and was met at my car by a car guard with a gun, not wanting my change but everything I had, including my car. I was shot and very nearly lost my life, but I survived. The bullet hit my spine, yet I can walk. It severed my ovarian duct, yet I produced a child. I was left with scars and issues, yet today I’m living life to the full. My attitude since then is that we only live once, and there’s no guarantee for exactly how long. I count every day as a bonus, and live it wholeheartedly (even though it’s not always easy to do this). I’ve been given around 3729 bonus days so far, and hopefully, I’ll have many more. So I’m not rich, so I’m not thin, so I have daily obstacles to get through… These things are not important. My daily ritual is to say “I am alive, and I will enjoy every moment because it can never be recreated.” My adviceb Don’t put anything off until tomorrow, next week, or next year. Live a life you can love and be proud of, starting today.
– Kate Liebetrau, 30, personal jeweller
Make a stranger’s day
I started earning a salary three years ago and every payday, I go to a shop and buy ice cream in summer or a hearty warm meal in winter, and give it to the first person I come across on my way back to the office. I must admit, I’ve been met by suspicious and untrusting stares, but those who’ve accepted my gifts fill my life with love, even if just for a few minutes.
– Thandeka Bongo, 26, human resources officer
Be active outdoors
I started mountain biking four months ago and was totally hooked the first time I clipped my feet into the pedals and cycled a downhill. Since that day, all I want to do is ride my bike. I now cycle four to six times a week and do races as often as possible.
I wake up earlier in the mornings, I feel fitter, and I look great in my skinny jeans. Most of all, I love the mental benefits. Every time I cycle, my head feels clearer and I find a positive new outlook on the day.
– Berna Coetzee, 27, photographer
Open yourself to new possibilities
Last Christmas, my friends and I decided against big, expensive gifts. Instead, we agreed to give each other more original presents, that don’t exceed R30 per person. I decided to try my hand at jam-making and gave each of my girlfriends a jar of jam with a handwritten label. My gift was so popular that I decided to quit my day job and start a full-time jam-making business. Now, I’m my own boss, doing something I love! If you’d asked me five years ago what I thought I’d be doing now, jam-making wouldn’t have crossed my mind. I love how life can take surprising new turns when you least expect them, and I’ve learnt that the world is a lot more exciting when you open yourself up to new possibilities.
– Tharina Jonker, 28, founder of Spikkel Homemade
Get cooking
When life is overwhelming, my best recipe (excuse the pun) is to get cooking. I haul out my recipe books and magazines, and though I usually end up making something I’ve made before, browsing through Nigel Slater or Nigella’s ideas is part of the ritual. I cook a proper meal, even if there’s no one to share it with, and sit down to a plate of home-cooked food (once the kitchen’s spick and span). This always cheers me up and makes me feel more in control of my life.
– Ester Levinrad, 25, freelance writer
Learn something new
I started surfing about a year ago and although I’m still learning — it’s a long and steep learning curve — there’s nothing like lying out on the
back line, surrounded by mountains and sea and stillness, with the occasional laugh from other surfers around. And when you catch a good ride, it’s thrilling and totally relaxing at the same time. It’s the best feeling on earth.
– Leanne Raymond, 32, PR executive
Say “I love you” often
I make an effort to regularly tell my very good friends that I love them. I think it’s important that people know how special they are to you, so I tell them, and it is quite sweet how it always makes them smile. A simple “I love you” to a good friend for no apparent reason goes a long way, and saying it always makes me feel good too.
– Mari Malan, 30, interior designer
Start a family tradition
Every December, there’s at least one rainy day, and everyone in my extended family knows that this day is Pancake Day. Everything else is put on hold for an impromptu get-together and my children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews all pile into my kitchen and gobble up the pancakes as quickly as I can make them. It’s one of our favourite family traditions, and I love getting all my loved ones together at short notice and seeing how excited they still get about my pancakes — even though some of them have been coming around for Pancake Day for over 30 years now!
– Annette Strachan, 69, retired teacher
Find something to celebrate
Every week, I send a “Reasons to celebrate or smile today” list around the office for my co-workers to complete. Once we’re done (and I make sure no one gets away with missing out) I stick it up outside my office in what we call the “Hall of Happiness”, so everyone gets to see what the others are happy about. It’s a great way to share with each other and focus on the good, even if we’re having a tough day. The lists stay up as constant reminders that there’s always something to feel grateful and happy about.
– Claire Jooste, 37, advertising sales manager
Spend quality time with family
When we’re sitting around at night after having supper, we have a little family ritual called “Highs and Lows”. We each share our low moment for the day and then tell what our highs were. It’s a great way to bond with my family and get a peek into what their days were like. My favourite part is when my mom smiles and says her high for the day is right then and there, spending time with her family.
– Lee-Ann Tito, 26, accounts clerk
Remember good times
I always feel good when I think of the two best and most important days in my life — my wedding day and the day my daughter was born. Thinking back on them gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling, and I’d not change them for anything in the world.
– Yvette Samaai, 28, sales executive
Enjoy natural beauty
Every day after work, I go for a run along the seafront. I wear my bikini underneath my clothes and always end off with a dip in the ocean — no exceptions, no matter how cold the water is. In fact, the colder the water, the more refreshed and alive I feel when I get out. Usually, the sun is setting by the time I take my swim and it makes me feel so blessed to be living in our beautiful country. This little ritual is my daily soul nourishment and it never fails to lift my spirits.
– Anna Robertson, 32, banking consultant
Keep in touch
Since university, many of my friends have moved overseas. I keep a little roster and call one of them every Sunday, to chat and catch up. I think it’s important to stay in touch and maintain these friendships, even though I don’t see them nearly as often as I’d like to, and our weekly chats are the perfect antidote to the Sunday blues.
– Alet Krige, 30, teacher
Make time for travel
Whenever I feel stuck in a rut with daily life, I start planning my next holiday — even if it’s not going to be happening any time soon. Travel is what makes life exciting, and reading up on interesting locations, sights and activities keeps me feeling motivated and inspired.
– Monica Cardoso, 24, marketing co-ordinator
Keep a gratitude journal
Every day, I write down five things I’m grateful for. It sounds simple, but it can be a challenge after a busy, harassed day. I’ve started to realise how much I have to be grateful for, and doing it always lifts my mood. – Amelia Frenkel, 22, writer
Have a little-people day
Once every few months, I spend a day with my four nieces and nephew, aged five to 12. In summer we go to the beach, in winter to the movies; where we laugh and play, and eat way too much ice cream or popcorn. It makes me feel alive and I love that I’m helping to create precious memories for them, just like my favourite aunt did for me!
– Kassabaine Petersen, 37, editor
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