Every year around this time I hear the same lament: “what on earth am I going to buy for Jack/John/Jill/my mother/my sistere” This year, more than ever, what to buy is notably influenced by available budget. So stress levels soar as we rush from one store to another, looking for that something special that won’t cost half a month’s salary.
We say: pause for a minute and look back at those gifts you’ve received over the years. Which do you remember with fondnessh Which had the biggest impacte We wager that it’s not the fast car or flashy diamond that you’ll treasure for a lifetime, but those special moments shared that you’ve locked in your heart. And we asked a few of Shape’s friends to share theirs with you:
Our Christmas angel — Jenny-Lee Hiscock, KwaZulu-Natal
“Christmas was always a special time for me and my family, but Christmas 2008 holds a particularly significant place in my heart — when a dream finally came true. My husband and I had been married for six years and desperately wanted a child. We had witnessed the joy our siblings’ children had brought into their lives and realised that we were missing an important part of our life together. Having endured the pain and heartache of several miscarriages and the death of our baby daughter at four months, we finally chose adoption. On the evening of December 22, we got a call at 8.30pm to say our baby girl was about to be born. We met her the next morning, and were spellbound. We thought she was the most beautiful baby we had ever seen. It seemed as though she was meant for us, an angel sent from above to remove the heartache of the past and to bring us joy in the years ahead. A year later, we thank God for her every day. We cannot believe how beautiful she is; we love her infectious laugh, how she loves to bath, and sit on the sofa with her dad watching rugby.
This startling little girl with the red hair and blue eyes has given us a new sense of purpose. Wherever life takes us, whatever we do, we will never forget Christmas 2008 and the day God answered our prayers.”
The break up that made up — Sharon Welman, Port Elizabeth
“My husband’s affair and the subsequent break-up of my marriage happened during the so-called festive season. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. But later, having come across a quote from A Course in Miracles, a self-study spiritual thought system that says, ‘every situation properly perceived becomes an opportunity to heal’, I came to see that it was not what had happened to me, but how I chose to react to it that mattered. From that moment on, I decided to use the experience as an opportunity for growth and change, instead of hanging onto useless feelings of bitterness and resentment that would keep me stuck in the past. My life has become rich, beautiful and full of possibility and I am filled with gratitude for this unusual, but important gift.”
Together forever — Kate Johns, Gauteng
“My greatest gift was witnessing my parent’s 40th wedding anniversary, recently celebrated in Cape Town. Despite trials and tribulations, my parents are still married to each other, and have a true partnership that has survived everything. They are an inspiration as to what true love and a lifetime commitment mean. It has made me rethink my own values about commitment, and realize what a lifetime partner should be. This is rare for our generation, and something we can all learn from. They still hold hands…”
A late pregnancy — Anet Ahern, Cape Town
“Not wanting children was the one thing I was unequivocal about. It was a non-negotiable certainty. I never felt broody. I was rarely asked to babysit. I had a plan that excluded children and staved off marriage until I was 30. I got married at 23 and became a mother by accident 16 years later. Failure can be every bit as sweet as success. It all depends on your point of view. I had a great life without children. This is a different one. To all the 30-somethings out there who are so busy being busy… take a moment and consider this: you can always have a career (yes, it is harder with a child and you may need to take a break). There is never the right time to have a child if you try to fit it in with everything else. My pregnancy came at the worst possible time in my life in so many ways. But looking at my wonderful seven-year-old daughter now, I can truly say it turned out to be the best gift in the world.”
Goodbye corporate, hello me — Yasmeen Vawda, Gauteng
“A friend suggested I leave the demanding corporate world and work for myself doing what I love best. It gave me the confidence and inner strength to enjoy my work while giving my body the attention it deserved from both a spiritual and physical perspective. I now live a holistic life. I’m a Strategic People Consultant and consult to financial services companies on all people-related matters in the corporate world — from defining strategy to corporate culture. I incorporate my spiritual awareness into what I do by creating a workplace that offers people a place where they not only work, but also enjoy the environment. Basically, strategic solutions with a heart!”
Extra-sensory perception — Greta Downie, Gauteng
“A book became my greatest gift; a book lying among a pile of women’s magazines in my child’s occupational therapist’s office, that completely and utterly changed my life. At last I understood I was not nuts, depressive, crazy, or moody but suffered something called Sensory Overload, which, if not managed properly, can lead to incorrect diagnoses as post-natal depression, depression, Attention Deficit Disorder, or yuppie flu. I am extremely sensitive to noise. I hate the loud music and too-loud sounds of my young children playing games. I cannot stand clutter in our home. I am touch-sensitive. I hate the way summer sweat trickles down my face, I hate itchy labels, I don’t like tight socks or heavy jewellery. I had started to believe everyone — my in-laws, my husband, doctors, friends — when they said I was depressive, just too demanding, self-absorbed. Walk, they said, lose weight, have Reiki, change your diet, drink this pill. But my senses are just over-sensitive. That’s all. I am not crazy, I don’t need be fed drugs. I am a normal, healthy, happy middle-aged mother and there are a lot of successful people who are sensory sensitive and have been taught how to function effectively in society. And to think, I nearly didn’t pick up that book.”
The miracle of birth — Kari Osterberger, Gauteng
“I was a birth partner to a dear friend and being part of such a mysterious, magical, surreal moment was a true gift… watching the doctors bring life into this world and being able to hold this little girl was my ultimate gift!”
All grown up — NoBuntu Mqulwana
“The gift of maturity has shed my life of unnecessary, non-fruitful and childish things. It is the gift of continued courage to be the most authentic version of myself and has become the daily refill I rely on to guide me to the places I should be. It has led me to those who should be in my life, to those I can rely on and to say only the things I should. Growing older is a many-layered gift, and I am still peeling back the wrapping.”
A voice made real — Linda Mali, Cape Town
Since I was a little girl I’ve had a passion for singing and music and when I turned16 my boyfriend bought me my very own shiny black microphone. I had always sung in choirs and music competitions but had never held a microphone. His gift made my dream of becoming a singer feel more real and it encouraged me to persevere. I vowed to play my first gig with it and would often pretend with it in front of a mirror! Finally my real moment came and I sung my heart out in front of a crowd with my beloved mic. I still have it to this day.”
Soul food — Shaen Adey, Cape Town
“A friend took me on a surprise hike up Sneeukop in the Cederberg mountains for my 42nd birthday. The outdoors is my soul food and escape. All I was told was to have my backpack ready. My friend saw to everything else, from a delicious prawn and pesto dinner to a superb bottle of white wine. We reached the ledge where we camped in the dark so I had no idea of either the height or the view until I awoke on my birthday and was simply blown away by the sweeping mountains stretching out before me. When we summitted that peak I felt on top of the world.”
Memories of my man – Marilyn Thompson, Cape Town
“I’ve had the Mauritius holiday, the East Africa cruise, the single rose and many other gifts both big and small, but two very special gifts that come to mind were both given to me by my late husband, Gary. One was six years before we were married, in London, December 1975. He arrived back from work late one night with a huge branch (not a sprig) of holly. Being a Capetonian I’d never seen the real thing. It belonged on Christmas cards, or as a plastic ornament on a flaming Christmas pudding. I justified the fact that he had taken it from a bush in the local church grounds by believing that ‘the higher power’ could never resent the theft given the overwhelming delight and happiness I felt! The second gift I saw in a jeweller’s window in passing, and mentioned to Gary how beautiful it was. Two or three months later he sailed off to Rio and left my birthday gift with my secretary with instructions to hand it to me the evening before my 41st birthday. Given the shape, I thought it might be a new watch. I waited with impatience until midnight to open it. And there it was. The antique necklace and earrings (smoky topaz set in marquisette) that I had seen in the jewellery shop window! And, like most women, I thought he didn’t really take much notice of my comments!”
A new beginning — Jennifer Cohen, Johannesburg
“My husband Tim took me to the Karoo town of Prince Albert for the first time shortly after I moved to South Africa from the US. We stayed in a little cottage and spent most of each day with books clutched eagerly in our hands, moving from bed to hammock to cool bath, watching the sheer curtains breathe gently and the koppie change colour as the sun shifted. The gift came with all good things a gift should bring: surprise, memories and lasting joy. And it literally changed our lives. We’ll be moving from the hurly burly of Joburg to this magical place, to a house 40km out of town, just in time for Christmas!”
A mother’s love — Lani Carstens, Shanghai, China
Christmas in our family has always been a highlight on our calendar — particularly for my mother who uses the occasion as an opportunity to spoil her only child (me) and grandson rotten. I was seconded to work in China for three years and although I visit home twice a year (and my mother has been to see us four times!) the separation has been tough as we are extremely close. This year I received joyful and terrifying news. The happy news is that my husband and I are expecting a much-wanted baby (and sibling to my 13-year-old son) in March 2010. Around the same time, however, I received the devastating news that my mother has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I have flown to SA twice in two months to care for her and set up a support system, and although she is stable now, we have no idea how long she will still be with us. Being so far away is indescribably painful. There is no doubt that my greatest Christmas gift ever, will be to spend this Christmas with my growing bump, my husband, and my beloved mother.”
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