Most of us strive to have it all: a beautiful home, a loving partner, a successful job and so on. But while many of us equate perfection with happiness, it may have a negative effect on our overall well-being. Instead perfectionism can leave us feeling unfulfilled, unsatisfied and unhappy.
“I’ve always been determined and over the years I’ve tricked my brain into thinking that once I’ve moved up the career ladder, had the perfect man or achieved a certain goal weight I’d be happy,” says Lee-ann Jacobs, a journalist. “It wasn’t until I started achieving my goals yet still felt unsatisfied with my life, that I began to realise that no matter how much I accomplished there would always be something I didn’t have, one more thing to strive towards.”
Like so many other women, Lee-ann saw perfection as the key to contentment. But what many of us don’t realise is that continuously striving for the “perfect” life may leave us with a sense of failure and ultimately could have a negative impact on our health.
Tania Adams, international life coach and speaker, says perfectionism can lead to high levels of stress and anxiety, fatigue, disillusionment, guilt and, in extreme forms, could lead to chronic health problems, depression or a burn out. “The primary difficulty with trying to do things perfectly or trying to be perfect, is that “perfect” is itself a perception, an opinion that only exists in the mind of the person judging,” says Adams. “What is regarded as perfect for one person may not be perfect to another and thus striving for perfection, is ultimately striving for something that does not exist as an objective concept. It is an unattainable goal.”
Acknowledging that you may be a perfectionist is the first step to breaking free. Try these simple strategies to take you from A-type to care-free:
1. Learn to let go. Accept that you cannot control every aspect of your life. “Being happy and being perfect are behaviours that cannot co-exist as the two intentions reside at opposite ends of the spectrum,” says Stephanie Vermeulen, EQ expert and author of Stitched-up (Jacana Media). “Happiness is about spontaneously enjoying being part of the bigger picture called life but being perfect is about control. Control and spontaneity are opposing forces so by choosing one behaviour women must forego the other.”
2. Make peace with ageing. Body perfectionists often struggle to accept ageing because they cannot control it. Instead of stressing about what you can’t control focus on what you can do – wear sunscreen to prevent wrinkles and eat healthy foods to reduce your risk of disease. “During times of stress it is vital to take care of yourself physically by getting enough sleep and by continuing your exercise programme,” says clinical psychologist Lucille Zwemstra.
3. Understand your abilities. “Before making a commitment it is important to be honest with yourself about your skills, limits and resources available so that you become discerning about the commitments you do make, and ensure they are fulfilled with integrity,” says Adams.
4. Set aside me-time. “Being labelled ‘selfish’ is one of the worst insults for women – especially perfectionists – as it means complete failure when it comes to a self-esteem based on giving,” says Vermeulen. “Being appropriately selfish means ensuring that our pot of energy does not run dry by taking the time we need to recharge our batteries – a right that everyone has – especially busy women.”
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