The sadness has faded and it’s time to find closure. Here are some practical advice on how you can move on from a break-up.
Unfortunately the idea that you and your ex will sit down and talk rationally about where your relationship went wrong is often unlikely, says Potgieter. More often than not, the closure you need is something you’ll have to work out for yourself, by reflecting honestly on the relationship and accepting your part in its demise.
Questions to ask yourself:
- What attracted me to him
- What were the vulnerabilities or shortcomings in our relationship?
- What did I contribute to this relationship, both positive and negative?
- What new skills do I need to learn in order to make better decisions in the future?
- What have I learnt from this relationship that will help me in my next?
“It is absolutely vital for you to explore what went wrong in your relationship, as this will prevent you making the same mistakes in future,” Potgieter says. Keeping a journal is a great way of doing this because writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you take a step back and see things in perspective. “You can’t really see a relationship objectively until you’re well and truly over it,” says Thandi, 30.
“When John and I broke up I was devastated because I was convinced he was the one. He had so many amazing qualities and I couldn’t imagine finding someone better suited to me. But then six months later I met the guy who really was the one, and now we’re happily married. Back then I wished we could’ve solved our problems rather than breaking up, but in retrospect I’m really glad we didn’t. Our break-up was the best thing that could’ve happened.”
Do you need professional help?
If it’s been more than six weeks since your break-up and you answer yes to the questions below, it may be time to consult a therapist:
- Have intense feelings of fear, anxiety, worry over the future etc, been getting the better of you for more than six weeks?
- Are your feelings impacting your normal day-to-day functioning — affecting your work performance, relationships with friends etc?
- Are you isolating yourself from friends and family?
- Are your thought processes becoming more negative and irrational as time goes by?
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