Q: My friends and family say I make the worst choices when it comes to men. How do I avoid “love is blind” syndrome?
A: Often when a woman is involved in a new relationship, she is “blinded” to all his faults. Let’s explore some relationship red flags that should give you a warning that all is not rosy. All are not necessarily bad, but they should give you a reason to investigate further. Consider them warning signs…
1. Home alone
He won’t let you phone him at home or at work. If he doesn’t let you see his home and only sees you intermittently, RUN (don’t walk) AWAY.
2. Historical truths
If he has been divorced (especially more than once), this should ring warning bells. Listen to how he talks about his previous relationship and check if he still has contact with his ex-wife and children. If there is no contact and he has nothing good to say about them, you need to ask yourself why.
Maintenance payment is a good way of assessing how he takes care of his responsibilities. Has he had many sexual partners and does he have a reputation as a “womaniser”a Some men cannot commit to a relationship and just drift from one woman to another. You don’t want to be just another in the line.
3. Money matters
If he has a poor work or credit history or has no visible or reliable income, beware — unless you’re happy to be his meal ticket! Love is not enough to sustain a relationship. You need to have a partnership where each does their part.
4. Mommy’s boy
If he lives with his parents, especially after the age of 23, and is finished studying, ask yourself why. If this is temporary it may be fine, but it is unusual for men to remain in their childhood home and not want to be independent.
5. Rude and crude
They say you can tell a lot about a person by how he treats the waiter at a restaurant. If he is disrespectful or abusive to other people, children or animals, or takes pleasure in others’ misfortune, he may be the same towards you. If he drives in a reckless manner, you may end up an accident statistic.
6. Smelly Larry
If he has poor hygiene habits or doesn’t care about his appearance, forget him, unless you are prepared to put up with this forever. Don’t think you can change him, and he’ll resent you for trying.
7. Cheats and lies
If he lies, cheats, steals or manipulates, or is extremely jealous or possessive, doesn’t want to socialise with your friends and wants you home at all times, move on. Jealousy signals control issues and very soon you may have no life. Be aware of selfish or greedy behaviour, or someone who does not share his thoughts, possessions or himself. He may be self-absorbed or have a personality disorder.
8. Avoidance tactics
Beware of someone who is insecure, guilt prone, hypercritical, never taking responsibility for his actions: these could signal an underlying psychological problem. Laziness, lack of motivation/goals or being suspicious or defensive are all red flags, as well as alcohol and drug abuse.
9. Family hang-ups
Examine his relationships with friends and family. It is normal for everyone to have relationships with their family (parents, siblings) and friends. Even if he has fallen out with someone, he should still have friendships with others. If he doesn’t have any friends or family, why has he alienated everyoner
10. Moody blues
Someone who is moody and unpredictable can be impossible to live with. If he is frequently down and depressed without cause, or exhibits little emotion, seek help. You need to know that you will be able to deal with his emotional baggage.
Comments