1. HAVE MORE SEX!
“The human sex drive is strongly influenced by chemicals in our bodies that respond to messages in our brains,” says clinical sexologist Leandie Buys. But we are not entirely at the mercy of our hormones, because we can regulate our sexual urges and responses by how we think about sex, Buys says. “The more sex you have, the more you want. Sex is the ultimate libido arouser, and having regular, tender, less frantic sex actually increases the likelihood of hot passionate sex.” Researchers at the University of California in the US say this is all related to oxytocin — a hormonal by-product of orgasms — which allows us to form emotional bonds that make us fall in love with our partners all over again and experience the sexual rushes we enjoyed at the start of the relationship.
2. MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER
During the holidays you had lots of time for each other — even if it was just to talk — and this can do wonders for your relationship. Make time together a priority when you’re back into your work routine by introducing the 10-minute rule, Buys suggests. Make a pact to connect with your partner for at least ten minutes when you get home in the evening. Forget about work and household chores and just focus on each other for that time — you’ll be surprised at the impact of just that one small change.
3. GET SENSUAL
The skin is 1,7m2 of sex organ, so use it! Experiment with massage oils and creams, and spend time exploring each other’s bodies. “There is no right or wrong way to touch, but if you’re not sure what you’re doing, try buying an erotic massage book and using it together,” sexologist Elna McIntosh suggests. Touching, massage, hot soaks and so on all stimulate skin nerve endings to manufacture natural pleasure neurohormones that relax and nourish our whole system. “Our bodies respond to what we see, smell, taste, feel and hear; and if we learn the art of touching we can enjoy the journey so much more — rather than just focusing on the getting there,” Buys says. Instead of spending another mindless evening in front of the TV, take turns to touch, massage, and tickle each other and feel how your senses come alive again.
4. EXPLORE YOUR FANTASIES
Think yourself into the mood by exploring your fantasies or recalling exciting experiences from the past. “Using sexual fantasies to enhance your sexual relationship is perfectly normal,” says Buys, “although a number of women associate this with being dishonest or inappropriate.” Sexual fantasies are no different from other daydreams — they are a chance to explore “forbidden” or unobtainable territory with safety.
5. SURPRISE EACH OTHER
Sexy surprises, at least once a week, can play a huge role in keeping the romance alive all year round. “Try spur of the moment naughty SMSs, a Brazilian wax, or very sexy underwear when he least expects it,” suggests McIntosh.
6. GIVE COMPLIMENTS
“If you want to cement loving feelings in a relationship, it would be hard to overemphasise the power of giving compliments,” says US sex therapist Dr Aline Zoldbrod. “Compliments are a huge part of the courting process. Starting out, each of you noticed the appealing qualities in the other. You each said, out loud, how handsome, pretty, smart, sexy, talented, funny etc you thought your beloved was. It delighted each of you to give and receive these compliments, and you both felt the glow of appreciation and love.” Giving sincere compliments to your partner in an established relationship shows him that you’re not taking him for granted, that you notice what he does for the couple or the family, and that you still find him physically and emotionally appealing, says Zoldbrod.
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