Prompted by contemporary society’s flirtation minefield, the SIRC commissioned a basic guide to flirting — to assist those who’d lost ability, or engaged in flirting on dangerous territory — to get back to basics.
> 1. Flirting is most socially acceptable at parties, celebrations and social occasions. That’s because these occasions are governed by a special code of behaviour, which anthropologists call “cultural remission” – a temporary, structured relaxation of normal social controls and restrictions. However, this does not mean abandoning all inhibitions and behaving exactly as you please.
> 2. At work, flirting is usually acceptable only in certain areas, with certain people. Each workplace has its own unwritten etiquette governing flirtatious behaviour, but make sure you are guided by the behaviour of the most highly regarded individuals in the company, not the office “clown”, “groper” or “bimbo”.
> 3. When flirting with the married or attached, it is important to be alert to signs of discomfort or stress. While most people in long-term relationships can cope with a bit of admiration, and may even benefit from knowing that others find them or their partners attractive, couples differ in their tolerance of flirtatious behaviour.
> 4. Flirt with people of roughly the same level of attractiveness as yourself — physically and/or intellectually — as this will give you the best chance of compatibility. Studies show that the more evenly matched you are, the more likely you are to stay together.
> 5. Non-verbal signals tell us more about the person we’re flirting with than the words they use. We show attitudes such as liking and disliking not by what we say, but by the way we say it and the posture, gestures and expressions that accompany our speech.
> 6. Your eyes are probably your most important flirting tool. How you look at another person, meet his gaze and look away can make all the difference between a successful, enjoyable flirtation and an embarrassing or hurtful encounter. If your “target” maintains eye contact with you for more than one second, the chances are he might return your interest. The most common mistake people make when flirting is to overdo the eye contact in a premature attempt to increase intimacy. This makes the other person feel uncomfortable.
> 7. A positive sign that your interest is being returned is an “open” posture — where his body is turned towards you and he is leaning forward. This is a sign of attentiveness and liking.
> 8. Synchronisation, such as lifting your glass at the same time as his, is a highly-effective flirtation technique. Synchronised body language and movement is a sign you feel comfortable with him.
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