10 ways to ease the break-up blues

There are many ways to alleviate the break-up blues, make healthy, non-destructive choices to ease your pain.

Sadness is the big phase in the post-break- up cycle, and although this is usually the most painful part of the process, there are many ways to alleviate the blues.

1. TAKE TIME TO GRIEVE
The break-up of any relationship is a loss, regardless of who calls it off. When Lee-Anne, 33, broke up with her partner of five years, she lost a boyfriend, but also her closest circle of friends, the house they bought together and lived in for three years, and the surrogate family she’d spent so many Christmas holidays with. “You don’t just break up with a person, you end a part of your life,” says Lee-Anne. This can be devastating — even if it was your decision to end things — and a proper grieving period is non-negotiable.

2. GET OUT AND GET ACTIVE
For Beth, 26, the best post-break-up coping strategy is to put on her trainers and go for a run. “When Will broke up with me, I had a constant knot in my tummy. I would wake up early every morning and just lie there agonising. Eventually I started forcing myself to get out of bed and go for a run before work. This was the only way I could clear my mind and start off my day not feeling completely depressed. A month later, I was feeling much better and fitting back into my skinny jeans.” Don’t under estimate the mood-lifting powers of the natural endorphins released when you exercise, especially if you’re doing it outdoors.

3. THE POWER OF TOUCH
Getting a massage is a great way to beat break-up blues, advises clinical psychologist Jamie Elkon. “You may be missing the physical proximity of another, and the healing touch of massage can do a lot to release the anxiety and depression associated with breaking up.”

4. CONTROL YOUR EATING BEHAVIOUR
When your life feels out of control, regular, balanced meals are often the last thing on your agenda. Problem is that when your eating habits are out of control, it adds to the sense of disorder in your life. Don’t get trapped in this negative cycle, and make healthy eating a priority. Resist the temptation to starve yourself in some twisted revenge scheme, but don’t overindulge in chocolate ice-cream either.

5. GET ENOUGH SLEEP
Lack of sleep can exacerbate feelings of depression so make sure you’re getting eight hours’ shut-eye daily. If the emotional turmoil is affecting your sleeping patterns, try natural remedies first, such as avoiding caffeine, getting enough exercise, drinking camomile tea, and meditation techniques. If none of these work, consult your GP for advice.

6. AVOID ALCOHOL
Using any form of substance to deal with your grief is never a solution, warns Elkon. “Alcohol is primarily a depressant and can decrease serotonin and dopamine levels so that the natural grieving cycle actually lasts longer.”

7. DON’T BE A LONER
Now is not the time to prove your independence, so accept the support of your friends and family. Seek out people or situations that bring about positive feelings and provide a safe space in which you can talk about your pain.

8. REDISCOVER YOURSELF
“Falling in love often involves subtly refashioning yourself into being the ‘ideal’ match for your partner,” Vermeulen says. “By definition this means losing certain parts of yourself, and regaining these after the break-up can help restore your sense of self-worth.” The abundance of “me-time” created by the split should be used to rediscover those aspects of yourself you sacrificed to make the relationship work. Follow your interests, try out new hobbies, join a club or start an exercise programme.

9. AVOID BIG DECISIONS
“Don’t make any long-term decisions when you’re in an unstable emotional state,” Bredekamp warns. Although now might seem the perfect time to pack your bags and move to Peru, forcing yourself to make any big decisions at this stage will only add unnecessary stress. Wait until you’ve processed and adapted to this major life change before making another.

10. RE-ESTABLISH YOUR CAREER AND FINANCES
Expect a change in lifestyle and accept that a lowering of your previous living standards may be part of your new reality. Work towards establishing yourself again financially, and if you sacrificed your career for the relationship, now’s the time to get it back on track. Channeling your energy into work can be therapeutic and rewarding, but be careful not to overdo it.

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