Do you get stressed just thinking about how stressed you are? Does your heart-rate rise at the mere mention of the word “stress”, and do you worry how you’ll cope with all the pressures in your lifel If so, join the club — quite literally.
Where our mothers might have turned to family members and friends for support, ours either live miles away, are juggling childcare schedules, are preparing for another board meeting, or have issues of their own. At the same time, we experience more day-to-day pressure than our moms ever did.
Many of us work, few have full-time housekeepers, we are continually reminded that we need to be glamorous and thin, we need to plan our own retirement, have a TV-d cor show home, cook like Nigella, dress like Sienna, “brand” ourselves, be active mothers, part-time athletes, beautiful, unwrinkled, and have outside interests to boot. And all of this in between taking all-hours cellphone calls and answering an endless slew of e-mails immediately.
Oh, and then there’s actually having a life, and hopefully, a functioning emotional relationship that nevertheless demands that we be its caretaker. It’s no wonder we’re stressed out: just listing the pressures on us is a recipe for hypertension, if not alcoholism or mental breakdown.
Nor is it surprising that we’re becoming more inventive when it comes to managing our stress. Without that intimate comfort zone of available friends and family, we’re casting the net far and wide, relying on professional strangers, new technology, and even health-endangering substances just to cope with what’s on our groaning, piled-up plates.
Here are just some of the options that may offer support:
PSYCHOTHERAPY
WHAT IT IS Essentially a means through which the mind becomes accessible and more understood, there are a great number of forms of psychotherapy, including relationship counselling, trauma counselling, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, and many others.
HOW IT WORKS Hanan Bushkin, psychologist and Director of the Anxiety and Trauma Clinic in Sandton, Johannesburg, says: “Every human being wants to have a sense of purpose and control in their lives; psychotherapy provides a safe environment for the ‘patient’ to acquire that, even if it’s just through talking and being heard.”
WHY IT’S MORE POPULAR NOW AND WHY IT WORKS “Psychotherapy is more popular now, not because our problems have become more intense, but because psychotherapy is no longer taboo,” says Bushkin. “The bottom line is that everyone has some sort of issue or problem (perfection does not exist) and if you find yourself in a situation that you cannot deal with yourself, therapy is an effective option that you should consider.”
I TRIED IT “I went into psychotherapy about two years ago. I’ve always been a
bit of a people pleaser, but as my work became more demanding, I started to resent the expectations of others, and became angry with myself for being everything to everybody. I am far more calm now. I have learned that I can’t ‘save’ others and be at their beck and call. It has changed my life.” — Xolelwa*, 37, teacher, Durban
MEDICATION
WHAT IT IS Johannesburg psychiatrist Dr Duncan Rodseth says the most popular medication used by women in order to “cope” are tranquilisers, sleeping pills, and analgesics (painkillers). However, he notes that many women also use diet pills, anti-depressants, alcohol and even cannabis, cocaine, and other street drugs to manage their stress.
HOW IT WORKS Rodseth explains that these drugs all administer mainly short-term relief from tension, stress, and stress-related headaches and pains. They provide the illusion of coping better because they dull some of the symptoms of stress.
WHY IT’S MORE POPULAR NOW AND WHY IT WORKS Rodseth says that the increase in popularity of substances as a coping tool lies in how easy they are to obtain, our exposure to them via the media, and their appeal as “instant fixes”. However, he emphasises that without a commitment to lifestyle change, they are ineffective coping tools and may often lead to more serious health problems.
I TRIED IT “Over six years my cocktail has grown and became part of my day-to-day existence. I unwind with a bottle of wine, sleep with a sleeping pill, start my day with a headache pill, and take a diet pill just before lunch, which helps when my energy levels drop in the afternoon. But now that I’ve been diagnosed with depression, and been told it’s a direct consequence of on-going self-medication, I’d say: don’t go there.” — Dawn*, 34, Cape Town
EXERCISE
WHAT IT IS Any activity that demands physical exertion, especially when done in order to improve physical fitness, can be seen as exercise.
HOW IT WORKS Exercise works as a stress reliever because it releases endorphins, the feel-good hormones of the body, and this immediately lifts your mood, explains Dorian Cabral, owner of Extreme Fitness, Village Walk, Sandton. And in addition, says Cabral, because exercise increases fitness, it assists in reducing mental fatigue during the day, helping you to be more productive at work.
WHY IT’S MORE POPULAR NOW AND WHY IT WORKS Cabral says more and more women are turning to exercise for stress relief because they can see tangible benefits from it, and also because there is a social aspect. What’s more, says Cabral, improved physical strength and endurance helps with fatigue in the workplace and makes daily living much easier, and sleep more energising.
I TRIED IT “I have been exercising for many years. On a physical level, it allows me to work out the stress and tension carried in the muscles. On a mental level, exercising is an opportunity to escape from the world and focus entirely on myself. Besides exercise being extremely healthy, without exercising regularly the tension and stress would build up and eventually I would not be able to cope.” — Dr Liat Malek, 27, casualty doctor at Johannesburg General Hospital
MASSAGE THERAPY
WHAT IT IS Therapeutic massage involves the manipulation of the soft tissue structures of the body to prevent and alleviate pain, discomfort, muscle spasm, and stress.
HOW IT WORKS Massage therapy releases stress by creating the opportunity to
relax; the kneading movements of massage also release toxin build-up from the muscles, encouraging a re-energising of body and mind.
WHY IT’S MORE POPULAR NOW AND WHY IT WORKS Massage therapist Nan Hamilton points to a growing awareness of fatigue and stress being the result of accumulative “personal imbalances”. It is extremely effective, says Hamilton. “The simple touch of massage, especially working with arms, chest, hands and feet, fulfils our deep longing for nurturing. It is simply a chance to be, to let go, to empty out,” she says.
I TRIED IT “I’ve been having regular massage therapy for about five years and totally swear by it. I’m very busy; I have two children (one of whom is three years old and insomniac), and I’m also very sporty, and massage therapy offers me pure relaxation. I go every second week for one-and-a-half hours, and it is an absolute priority. I become ratty and miserable and take it out on those who are closest to me if I miss a session. I’m a better person to live with as a result, and everyone benefits.” — Catherine Ward, 42, destination director for an incentive programme business in Cape Town
CLUBS
WHAT IT IS Bridge clubs, poker clubs, investment clubs, book clubs, wine clubs, even mending clubs, cooking clubs, spiritual clubs… The list is endless.
HOW IT WORKS Generally, like-minded men and women will decide to meet at an agreed upon interval. The gathering’s venue will rotate among the members, as will catering. They may invite external speakers or engage in related activities (attending a workshop on their subject, for example).
WHY IT’S MORE POPULAR AND WHY IT WORKS Bushkin says these have taken off in popularity because they provide stressed and pressured women with a way to escape their “ordinary” life’s monotony, to connect with others and to make their members feel a part of something greater than themselves, giving their existence more meaning — particularly needed in an increasingly fragmented and fast-paced social climate.
I TRIED IT “I belong to a spirituality group called The Angels, and the 10 of us have been meeting once a week for over three years. This is my time for ritual and sacred space, a way of connecting with my higher self. It is a great stress reliever, but it also is a forum in which to share issues, and to realise that we are not alone in the world. It is so important to me that I would feel a huge loss without it. It is part of my life and who I am.” — Sarah Heinemann, 32, stay-at-home mom, Cape Town
ONLINE GROUPS
WHAT IT IS Any Internet chat room or forum where ideas, opinions, problems or personal details like photographs are exchanged in cyberspace. Among the most popular are Facebook.com, flickr.com and friendsreunited.com.
HOW IT WORKS You sign up, provide your details and agree to a code of conduct. You will then have access to a virtual venue, a veritable “meeting place” for you to interact with selected individuals.
WHY IT’S MORE POPULAR NOW AND WHY IT WORKS “The mere fact that we can log on to the Internet and converse with someone on a specific topic, or connect with a friend from the other side of the world, makes our lives a part of something other than ourselves, which gives us meaning. Suddenly our small world is a part of something significantly bigger,” explains Bushkin.
I TRIED IT “I nearly lost my job because of Facebook. I can’t stop myself from checking my profile every few hours at work, despite having been warned not to. I love seeing what my friends are up to, uploading new photos, and finding out information about other people. But it’s not really the best stress reliever. I’m anxious about being caught, firstly, and I’m also anxious when I invite someone to be my Facebook friend. Sometimes I think it’s given me a new whole world to worry about!” — Shabieda*, 42, accountant, Durban
DRUMMING CIRCLE
WHAT IT IS “It is a platform where people can meet and make music by drumming together in a group, resulting in a feeling of tremendous unity and personal wellbeing,” says Tim Furness of Drum Cafc in Overport, Durban. A drumming circle can be made up of two to several hundred people. “You can find a drumming community in most major centres around the world and they can take place in people’s houses, parks, beaches and boardrooms,” he adds.
HOW IT WORKS Furness says there are many ways that drumming therapy relieves stress, iimproves circulation and releases pheromones. In addition, working together in rhythm to promote cooperation rather than competition results in a feeling of group synergy and cohesion.
WHY IT’S MORE POPULAR AND WHY IT WORKS Furness says that the drumming experience has become more popular, particularly among executives, because it allows participants to forget about day-to-day worries and just be in the moment. “Participants are quickly put in an alpha state and right and left brain are used, enhancing clarity and focus,” he adds.
I TRIED IT“I drum once a week, and would play more often if it were possible. I love it because it enables me to completely switch my over-active brain off and let go into a world of rhythm and free flow. Something else takes over. For me it is the ultimate waking meditation and not only does it sound great but it also keeps one’s upper body in shape — better than working out with weights any day!” — Melissa Baird, 39, editor, Cape Town
where to go…
Psychotherapy To find a reputable therapist, contact:
South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) 0860 664 878
The Psychological Society of South Africa (PsySSA) 011-4863322
Exercise To find a reputable personal trainer go to:
www.personaltrainers.co.za or your local gym.
Join a sports/running club. Go to www.runsa.co.za to find a running club or to take up a team sport such as dragonboat paddling.
Go to www.dragonboat.org.za/websites.html or
www.paddlesnapper.com for more info.
Massage therapy Go to the Massage Therapy Association website at www.mtasa.co.za to find a massage therapist in your region.
Drumming To find a drumming circle in your area, or for more info, www.drumming.co.za, www.teamspirit.co.za.
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