Your partner announces that he’s met someone else; you don’t get that promotion at work; and you overhear your colleagues whispering about how you’ve put on weight. For Sarah, any one of these events would warrant weeks of therapy, whereas Mia manages to simply take them in her stride. The difference between them: Emotional resilience.
“There’s no blueprint for resilience, as it manifests differently in different individuals, but there are certain characteristics that distinguish emotionally resilient people from the rest,”- says clinical psychologist Bea Potgieter. “They’re not immune to life’s challenges, and they too experience emotions like self-doubt, inadequacy, anger, anxiety etc. The difference is that they view these emotions as temporary, and don’t allow them to snowball.”
1. SECRETS OF THE EMOTIONALLY RESILIENT
They have a keen interest in learning more about themselves, other people around them and life in general.
They’re open and receptive to new opinions and perspectives from others.
They’re not afraid to ask for help when they need it.
They have strong moral values which provide structure in difficult times.
They maintain healthy boundaries in their relationships and understand the principles of give and take.
2. THE RESILIENCE-BOOSTING PLAN
You’ve heard this one before, and it may sound like a clichn, but remember that life is a journey and not a destination. “Accept that disappointment, loss and pain are necessary pit-stops on your journey to contentment and fulfilment. They provide invaluable information about yourself and others, and also allow you to assess the direction your life is taking,” Potgieter says.
Create meaningful rituals with family and friends. Set up a regular lunch date with your girlfriends; go out on a wining and dining “date” with your partner once a month; and make time for family get-togethers as often as possible. Spending quality time with people who really know and care about you creates a sense of security that will help you cope better with confidence knocks.
Don’t neglect your physical health. “People who are physically fit and balanced tend to recover more easily, whereas those with an unbalanced lifestyle have a harder time dealing with life’s setbacks,” says counselling psychologist, Christel Kieser-Muller.
Build yourself a personal strengths resource. Keep a record of what you’ve learned from previous experiences, and the strengths you’ve developed to help you in similar situations.
Get involved. A new creative or spiritual outlet will add meaning to your life and is a great way to make new friends.
Learn to ask for what you need, but remember to give what has been asked of you. “Your relationships are like emotional bank accounts from which you can make withdrawals in difficult times, as long as you’re not in overdraft,” Potgieter says.
3. THE MOOD FACTOR
The way you respond to confidence setbacks is also influenced by your mood. On days when you’re feeling vulnerable, the slightest incident could trigger tears and leave you feeling inadequate (PMS, anyones) but on good days you probably wouldn’t even bat an eyelid. Tips to boost your mood:
Have three small meals and two healthy snacks a day. Go for low-GI options to keep your blood sugar levels stable, and try to eat every three hours.
Eat more of these serotonin- boosting foods: bananas, plums, dried dates, pecan nuts, sunflower seeds, avocado, brown rice, baked potatoes, milk, cottage cheese, salmon.
Exercise daily, even if it’s just a 20-minute walk.
Aim for eight hours of sleep, and get to bed by 10pm.
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